Kalina couldn’t bare to sit in her room, not alone, not right now. It was like a war was raging in her mind, memories of the two men she loved flooding her mind, taking hold of her, keeping her prisoner in her dreams. The stupidity she felt for even leaving Dimitri, he was safe, he was whole, he was like a light that she was drawn to. While her heart ached to be with Miguel, a feeling she hated. He was with someone he cared about, that caused some happy feelings for her, but she didn’t fare well not having what she wanted, what she loved. Sitting in her room, all it did was remind her of them, she needed to get out. The idea of a Latino party, it sounded like it was a copy of the Balkan party idea, but knew this party would be quite different, more colorful, also it would be a chance for her to see Miguel without seeming like a creep. Kalina kept Dimitri’s ring strung on a chain around her neck, Miguel’s bracelet on her right hand, she dressed for the party in a black swimsuit and a pair of shorts.
Single officially for the first time in 19 years, Kalina needed to make an entrance. She didn’t have a fiancé, nor a boyfriend, suddenly free to do as she pleased. After all, all she had to do was testify in front of the parliament, taking the throne, Kalina was gaining control of her future. Taking everything in stride, she leaned back on the wall, thinking. How could she be with Miguel, and have Bulgaria fully? What was more important to her? She didn’t have to make that choice, Miguel made it for her and she was going to take it, Tsarita. She pushed herself up off the wall, beginning to head to this party, the first time she was attending one alone in 10 months. Kalina spotted the young French heir walking to the party too. Taking this chance to not walk into the party alone, Kali walked up against the young man, a flirtatious and playful look on her face, flirtation dancing in her eyes. “Mind walking with me to the party?”
Kalina sat in her bedroom all Sunday, in bed, hugging onto the bear Dimitri given her. She never expected for it to hurt that much, to see him so hurt, for him to get on his knees, all she wanted to do was take it all back and tell him that she lied. That she was all his and never would she leave his side, but she also knew her heart and she knew that she would want to because no matter how much she loves Dimitri, she wasn’t in love with him, not anymore. She realize that she was in Miguel, and it wasn’t until she felt like she was about to lose him. She knew he had to care about her and that this was the right thing to do. Her father was right, he picked the man for her and she loves him. Kalina picked herself up out of bed, still holding on to the bear as she went into her bathroom to clean up her face. Wiping away her tears stain, she set the bear on her counter. It was the one thing that he given her that reminded her the most of him, as she clung to it, it made her feel as if she didn’t let him go. She didn’t want to, but she also wanted Miguel, and was willing to admit it too.
She was going to tell him, she was going to tell Miguel just how she felt about him, without carrying her Dimitri bear. She looked at her reflection; his ring was still on her finger. She couldn’t go and tell Miguel that she loves him with it on her hand. She grabbed the bear and went into her closet, setting it on the counter in her closet, looking for a chain. With a long chain, she strung the ring onto the necklace and put it on, hiding it in her shirt. All you saw was the chain running into her shirt. She pulled out her phone, excitement, as well as nervousness boiled in her. She was going to tell him that she loved him and that she no longer wanted their engagement to end. ‘Hey can you meet me outside in the gazebo? Please? It’s important.’ She said to him, she remember how he said he didn’t want to be her friend, but this was more, this was love. His reasoning for not wanting to be near her was because she was with Dimitri, well she wasn’t with him anymore. She grabbed the bear and placed it on her bed, as she stood in her mirror, waiting on him to reply.
It was Friday Kalina knew she wasn’t in love with Dimitri, but Miguel, causing much problems for her, but also made her realize why she felt the way she did around him, like coming home, he was her peace, he knew what do to build up her anger like no one else, but also make her calm again. She needed to tell Dimitri, it wouldn’t be fair to him, to think everything was the same as it was before when it wasn’t. It was breaking her. She found her diary, swallowing hard. She wrote ’ two months after he ask me to marry him, I have to tell him I can’t. I think I will never again smile of September 6, how can I when it’s the day I break a man I love’s heart?’ She dropped her pen. She couldn’t write anything more. She needed to stop playing around and get to it. Kalina got dressed fairly quickly, hoping she would take longer, prolonging this pain and hurt. She needed to do this, needing a inconspicuous place to do this, but not in either of their rooms, she wanted to keep memories of them being happy in their room.
Kalina chose to tell him in the room where she hurt Eleanora. She sat on the couch, pulling her phone. ‘can you meet me in the lounging area please?’ She sent to Dimitri. This was the best room, after what she did to Eleanora, she did deserve to be broken in here too. Only this would be her and his heart. She hoped he would take his sweet time getting here. She loved his face, his presence, his everything and it was because she did that she had to do it. She had to be honest with him. Dimitri Vasa deserved only the best and she knew she wasn’t right for him, she was going to do right for him. She pulled her feet up on the couch. She thought about never seeing him again, and she couldn’t. She couldn’t let go of him like that, he earned her trust and love, she told him how her mother and father made her feel, how it hurt her for Ivana to believe that, everything, giving him the most insight on why she is the way she is.
After all the past arguing, the endless nights he passed awake, reading, studying her language and Laws, Miguel finally found it… A loophole that would make her seat in the throne she had desired for years. He walked into her private office and placed all of her books, as well a hand written letter from him to her. He left the room before anyone noticed he had even walked in there.
It sucks being humans. We’re full of flaws and most of times we let our feelings blind us and take our reason. Sometimes I wonder if animals aren’t more intelligent than us. Just look at the ants. They have a hierarchy, everyone has a role to play and they all follow the queen. Sometimes the queen is replaced, either because she dies, or a better one reclaims the role, which, unfortunatelly causes the death of the old queen, and with it, the end of an age. You’re the new queen, aspiring to take down the old Empire and build a new one. You dragged me into your cruzade, and because of selfish reasons I let myself into your scheme. I can’t tell I’m not proud of avoiding the murdering of your brother, but I also can’t deny you’re already a queen. Only few people could intimitate me the way you do. And it’s not only about your body. Your stance, the pride in your eyes and the certain in your voice.
You won’t need to cause a war or threat your people to love you. They will see safety in you, and hope for a better place. They will need a strong leader ruling them after this is all over, and not some drug addicted. Put your brother in permanent rehab, make peace with your sister, be a role model to your youngest sister… Show your father of how great you are, and prove to your mother she was wrong all along. I don’t know all the reasons in the feud between you too, and I don’t want to know… Just don’t hurt anybody else. Use words against your mother, because that’s exactly what you’ll have to do to take the throne for you.
Open the book ”Constituction of Bulgaria”, page 583, paragraph 5th. It tells that anyone with deep knowledge of the Bulgarian Laws is able to rule the kingdom, and for that, they must prove it to the Parliament.
Let’s be honest, you already know your Constituction, the History of you nation and people. I’m pretty sure the drugs damaged some cells in your brother’s brain. You will convince the Parliament you’re more fitted to rule in your brother’s place with the same naturally you made me speechless without arguments in our ”talks”
I was wrong about you…. I did wrong to you, and I’m sorry.
I know you won’t believe me, and you have a hundred reasons to think it, and no matter what I say, I won’t convice you otherwise.
I honored my word, you should honor yours.
Be happy. If your happiness is with Dimitri, stick with him, and make him happy too.
Life is too short, and we all must enjoy each moment of it. Make the best of them all, Kalina. Follow your dreams. I know this is cliche, but everyone should find happiness, and have their dreams coming true. And I’m glad I was part of making this particular one a reality to you.
Your throne is more closer than ever. I’m sure you already can feel it.
One last thing before I finish this letter. If continued reading this far and hasn’t stopped after finding the answerd you wanted, I have to tell you one last thing. I know you wanted us to be friends, but this won’t happen. Not because you’re a bad person, being your friend would be awesome. But your happiness is with Dimitri, and I can’t stand him. I have my reasons, and I know you don’t agree with them, but they are mine, they are part of me as much as I’m son of my father. I won’t avoid you on this island, I would be out of my mind if I thought that was possible, but I wish to not be close to you.
I was just another chapter in your life. I wrote a letter to break our engagement and I sent to my mother. No matter what she answer me back, I’ve made up my mind. You’re free to make your own choices. Be the ruler of your destiny.
Miguel of Bragança.